Twinkie Log

The CNN reporter delivered the news of Michele Bachmann's triumph in the Iowa Straw Poll on location from the Iowa State Fair. The gravity of the announcement was somewhat lessened by the signs on the tent behind the reporter that read "Fried Twinkies" and "Twinkie Logs".

CNN broadcasts around the world. Imagine a Paris financier or a Tokyo industrialist watching this coverage and wondering, "The next Leader of the Free World, the Person with His/Her Finger on the Nuclear Trigger took the first step toward that position in front of a Twinkie stand. Our candidates are announced in front of the Eiffel Tower or Mount Fuji. And those Americans wonder why their credit rating tanked. By the way, what is this Twinkie?"

As a red-blooded American, I am intimately familiar with the Twinkie and have even, in a weak moment, consumed a fried Twinkie. The Twinkie Log, however, must be an Iowa thing. How appropriate that native Iowan Michele Bachmann brought this new and exciting gustatory delight to the attention of the nation and the world. Jimmy Carter popularized Georgia peanuts. Ronald Reagan made jelly beans the snack of choice during his administration. G.W. Bush's love of pork rinds is well-documented. Should Michele Bachmann rise to the presidency, it could be Twinkie Log hors d'oeuvres at state dinners.

The problem is that, outside of Iowa, no one knows exactly what is a Twinkie Log. In my travels across the South, I encountered the ubiquitous Stuckey's peanut logs advertised on every other bill board and available at every Interstate rest stop. If the Twinkie Log is anything like the Peanut Log (a 4-inch diameter nougat covered in peanuts, sort of a Pay Day bar on steroids), the Bachmann Administration had best consider retaining Universal Health Care. Loyal Bachmannites will be flocking to the Diabetes Ward of their local hospitals.