Dominant Species?

Dominant Species?
A rejected Star Trek episode

SCENE - The flight deck of the Starship Enterprise


CAPTAIN KIRK - Captain's Log; Star Date - Unknown. The Enterprise passed through a space-time continuum. We are orbiting a Class N planet strongly resembling 21st century Earth. Science Officer Spock scanned its various lifeforms and made an astonishing discovery.

SPOCK - This is highly illogical, Captain. Bi-pedal humanoids should be the dominant species here. They have the largest brains and have harnessed fossil fuel as an energy source. They have mastered conventional weaponry. Yet they appear to be subservient to a less-intelligent species.

The Enterprise's screen shows a man walking a dog down a typical suburban street. The dog defecates and the man scoops it up while praising the dog.

SPOCK - There it is, Captain! Though inferior in intelligence, the canine is clearly dominant in this relationship. Highly illogical! Look there. The canine urinated on a bush that the humanoid recently planted. Obviously, the canine is demonstrating his dominance.

The screen now shows a back yard. A man holds a dog on a leash while a woman walks the perimeter of the yard shaking flags mounted on the dirt and shouting "No! No!"

KIRK - What do you make of this, Spock?

SPOCK - Sensors show a buried wire, an "electrical fence", that can send a signal to the dog's collar. It's hard to tell which way the warning jolt is traveling, but based on the woman's reaction, it would appear that the dog is setting her boundaries. Of course, it might go the other way.

The screen shifts to the interior of a typical suburban house.

KIRK - These shelters, though primitive by our standards, still require opposible thumbs for construction. I can't see canines nailing floorboards.

SPOCK - Correct, Captain. But which species really "owns" the home? Note the canine bouncing on the furniture. When immature humanoids do the same, they are swatted. Note the humanoids humbly sweeping up canine hair.

KIRK - The Prime Directive requires us to peacefully consult with the dominant species on new planets. Which is the dominant species and how should we approach them, Spock?

SPOCK - Data is incomplete. If the humanoids are dominant, a handshake and the sharing of a fermented malt beverage appears to be the most common approach. If the canines dominate, sniffing of the anal regions seems to work.

KIRK - Take no chances. We'll try both. I'll get the beer and you do the sniffing.

SPOCK - Why do I always get the short end of the stick?