High school and college football blessedly resumed this weekend. The rest of the world marvels at America's infatuation with a sport that in its full-blown tackle form:
Requires over $500 worth of equipment per player
Takes up to three hours to provide sixty minutes of actual playing time
Allows only seven of eleven offensive players to touch the ball, barring fumbles or interceptions
Features committee meetings (huddles) before every play
Soccer, of course, requires only a ball and a pair of shorts, provides ninety consecutive minutes of action, allows any and everyone to touch the ball, and huddles only at halftime.
Why, then is football the top-rated televised sporting event while soccer ranks down there with re-runs of "According to Jim"?
It's all in the lingo. Football features "bombs", "Hail Marys", "Sweeps", and "Blitzes". After all, violence and words that describe it are as American as apple pie. The most exciting call in soccer is that irritating "Go-o-o-al!".
I thrill to Brent Musberger (I haven't had a good Musberger in years. It's hard to get good, fresh Mus to place on my burger nowadays) calling, "There's a completion to the big, tight end." Are there any small loose ends out there? Maybe in soccer. Football also has "split ends" which probably refers to players using shampoo without conditioner. The whole concept of a big tight end is unique to American football probably resulting from our lack of nationalized health care. Those soccer-loving countries can't match our dominance in aesthetic and restorative surgery!
Football is American and soccer is not. It's as simple as that.
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