Brainstorming

Not content with baggage fees and charging for food, headphones, and pillows, the airlines took advantage of the expiration of Federal taxes on their tickets by retaining prices and lining their pockets with that extra money. Capitalism, ain't it great?

One imagines a brainstorming session at Mega Airlines on how to further increase profitability:

"We still have deadbeat passengers who don't check bags, eat on the plane, listen to salsa music on our "World Sounds", or try to take a nap. How can we get a few extra bucks from them?"

"We could charge more for all that legroom on bulkhead and exit row seats."

"We're already doing that. Anything else?"

"This is a crazy idea, but it may just work. Let's position screaming toddlers near the check-in podium. When passengers present their boarding passes, we'll ask them if they.like kids because their assigned seat is in the same row as those rug rats. For a few extra bucks, they could switch seats and have the parents sit next to the kids. The toddlers won't actually board the plane, of course. This would also work to avoid sitting next to incredibly obese people or bearded guys reciting the Koran."

"Not bad. Other ideas?"

"Our flight attendants always board first and stash their carry-ons in prime overhead storage space. Let's have them hang around the boarding gate. When a passenger checks in for Seat 10A, the flight attendant could say, "Too bad. That's the overhead bin assigned to the crew. For a slight charge, we could move to Row 11 and free up that space for you."

"I like that. How can we get into the passengers' wallets once they are on board? They are really vulnerable then."

"Here's a good one. After everyone is seated but before we announce "Return your seat backs and trays to their full upright and locked position", we approach the poor souls scrunched into a pretzel shape because the clown seated in front of them is fully-reclined. "Sir, if you have a major credit card, I can disable the recliner mechanism on the seat in front of you during take-off." That should be a real money-maker."

"Great work, brainstormers! If that Federal tax is reinstated, we can easily make up the difference with these ideas."