Horrible Bosses

This week's Summer Blockbuster Premiere is "Horrible Bosses", a film that is somewhat easier for most of us to identify with than its competition "Zookeeper" wherein talking animals give their human keeper social advice. It strains credulity to see a talking gorilla pick up an attractive girl in a night club. On the other hand, who couldn't identify with an average-looking guy who is sexually pursued by his boss played by Jennifer Aniston? That's reality - Hollywood style.

What if "Horrible Bosses" dealt in actual workday reality? Incidents with "horrible bosses" from my past might make for a cinematic treasure.

1. I set up and ran a test program to better manufacture ceramic cooktops in Toledo, OH. We had never done this before. Our customer happened to be the brother of our company's CEO. Failure was not an option. Actually, taking the blame for failure was not an option. Before we started up, my boss dropped by and informed me, "If this thing works, I'll come back to take the credit. If it doesn't, it is all your fault and I was back in Allentown the whole time." It wasn't exactly being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston or even Phyllis Diller, but it was scary. Thankfully, the test program worked.

2. Besides taking credit and avoiding blame, bosses are concerned with maintaining departmental budgets. The fiscal year was only half over, we had plenty of projects on the West Coast, and we were nearing the limit on our Travel Budget. Our boss called a Group Meeting. "I know that some of you have relatives living on the West Coast. Why not stay with your relatives when you go out there on business? Better yet, why not arrange for your co-workers to stay with your relatives? It would really help our Travel Budget."

The movie scene based on this incident begins with a forlorn engineer knocking on a stranger's door. ""Hi! You don't know me but I work with your brother-in-law. Our Travel Budget is a little tight right now and I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days. I'll babysit your kids at night!"

3. The climactic scene from "Real Horrible Bosses" has to be when the boss somberly intones, "This is the toughest thing I have to do. The company is forcing us to downsize and we have to let you go. I'll just stand here along with this jackbooted Security Guard while you pack up your personal belongings to make sure you don't steal any company property. It breaks my heart to do this, but my bonuses and stock options will have me feeling better in no time."

That might be too "real world" for Hollywood.