The Kate Connection

Security is tight at medical testing facilities. To prevent blood test cheating, patients must provide Insurance Card, Government-Issued Photo ID, Proof of Address, and Date of Birth. After all, there may be someone else living at my house, sharing my insurance, and looking vaguely like me who hopes to claim my cholesterol-ravaged blood as their own in a lucrative scheme to obtain Zocor tablets to re-sell on the black market.

But that blood test cheater will be foiled by the Date of Birth safeguard. I am clearly the sole resident at my address born on 9 Jan 48. In fact, the one question asked at both the Front Desk and the Phlebotomy Room is "What is your Date of Birth?"

This used to be a problem for me. One's birthday is a great conversation starter. It is always a good idea to chit-chat with the person about to open one of your veins. ("I guess I'll use the clean needle on this guy. He seems nice.") The problem arises when the phlebotomist or her family are not January people. Rather than terminate the conversation, the next step is to recite famous folk sharing that birthday. The best-known January 9ther used to be Richard Nixon ("If this guy is anything like Tricky Dick, he gets a turkey baster shoved in his arm instead of a needle.")

January 9thers rejoice! Kate Middleton shares our natal day. January 9thers need merely mention this rather tenuous connection to The People's Princess In Waiting and we are assured of efficient and sanitary care. I had blood extracted today and the Kate Connection worked like a charm. There was no unsightly bruising at the puncture point. It was the Best Blood Test Ever. Thanks, Kate.