Acne Apps

I don't own a smart phone. I am therefore deprived of all those swell "apps" that would allow me to simultaneously read the Great Works of Western Literature on a tiny screen while ordering a pizza and texting to my friends while driving my car. How did humanity muddle through before smart phones?

Not all "apps" are what they appear to be. The Federal Trade Commission stopped "Acne App" and "Acne Power" from advertising their product last week. After downloading the "app" and paying $1.99, customers were told to hold their smart phone display screen near their skin for a few minutes each day while its colored lights treated their acne. Hey, it's cheaper than Clearasil and doesn't leave that greasy film. You may develop brain cancer from holding your smart phone near your head, but you'll have clear skin.

Those killjoys at the FTC found the acne-fighting claims "unsubstantiated". Typical of interfering, overregulating big government, they forced the acne apps from the marketplace no doubt causing many tax-paying Americans to lose their jobs. Do the Tea Partiers and the Republican presidential candidates know about this?

Nearly 15,000 people purchased the acne "app". "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door." Actually, provide a useless product, market it properly and people will buy it. I fondly remember Pet Rocks and Mood Rings from the '70s. These products helped push America out of the Carter "stagflation" and Oil Shocks. Would acne "apps" have provided the consumer spending binge that we need to get out of the current economic hard times? Thanks to the FTC, we will never know.