Food labels assault us with adjectives - "Natural", "Lite", "Organic", "Lo-Cal", "Free Range, Grass Fed, Humanely Slaughtered. This cow volunteered to be eaten!". We take these advertising claims with a grain of salt. Every now and then though, a food label goes beyond the pale.
Kibbles & Bits Dog Food is now "Homestyle With That Home-Cooked Taste". These words conjure the image of Mama Lassie wielding a spoon over a savory pot filled with all of Fido's favorite foods from puppyhood. So warm, so comforting. Wait a minute. We're talking kibble here - dried chunks of meat by-products. Mama Lassie was cooking up this crap? No wonder Fido left home.
How does Kibbles & Bits know that its product has "that home-cooked taste"? Unless K&B has a Pet Psychic on staff to translate doggie taste testers' tail-wagging and drooling into human language, how can they make this claim? There is a law requiring Truth in Advertising after all.
Kibbles & Bits must hire humans to determine whether their Homestyle product is truly that. Is it a coincidence that K&B dares make this claim at a time when people are desperately seeking employment of any kind? "Help Wanted - Taste Testers for an exciting new Homestyle product. Preferred applicants will have strong teeth and bitter childhood memories."
"This kibble tastes just like the Hamburger Helper that Mama forgot to put meat in and left on the stove overnight. It's Homestyle, all right."
No comments:
Post a Comment