They're People Too

"Corporations are people, too", according to Mitt Romney. Just like us flesh and blood Americans, corporations have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of governmental largess by making unlimited, anonymous campaign contributions. Thank you, 2010 Supreme Court.

Let's compare a flesh and blood American like yours truly to an American corporation, say General Electric. In the second quarter of 2011, I "earned" about $10,000 between my pension and Social Security and paid about 25% of that in Federal taxes. In the same quarter, GE earned $3,7 billion and paid zero in Federal taxes. If corporations are "people, too", shouldn't they be paying at least something for the rights and privleges of being an American?

"Not so fast," reply the Republican candidates. "Corporations are Job Creators. They need every penny of those profits to drag the country out of this recession. It hasn't happened for three years now, but it will come. Look at all the jobs that GE has created for Tax Attorneys to make sure that they can take advantage of every loophole in the Tax Code. Surely, GE and other corporations will get around to creating jobs for you common folk soon."

"Until then, you people "people" will have to pick up the tab for:

National Defense - About 60 cents of every dollar you pay to Washington goes for the jets, tanks, and aircraft carriers that provide friendly foreign governments so that Exxon, Halliburton, GE and the like can haul in those off-shore profits. Your life might not be impacted if the Saudi people overthrew their King, but Dick Cheney's stock options from Halliburton would take a hit. You can't expect our corporate "people" to stand still for that. They shouldn't have to pay for it, though.

The State Department - You may never need our ambassador to Kazakhstan to pressure the locals for a zoning permit for that McDonald's in downtown Astana, but the Golden Arches won't be quite as golden if they can't spread the American Way there and haul in a few rubles in the process. Of course, Ronald McDonald shouldn't have to pay for the privilege.

The Agriculture Department - Those subsidies and price supports that keep our food prices high enough to support "the family farmer" mostly go to the corporate agribusinesses that put the family farmer out of business. You can't expect agribusiness to pay taxes on that. You people "people" have Food Stamps and $5 foot-longs. What else do you want?

The Justice Department - Your tax dollars are financing The War on Drugs. We can't have "hopheads" coming in late for work, spending their money on drugs instead of food for their families, beating their wives and children, and driving under the influence. Of course, it's OK for alcoholics to do the same. Alcohol is legal and, oh by the way, Anheuser Busch, Miller, and Coors sponsor race car teams and stadiums out of their profits. Kevin Harvick's #29 Budweiser racing car, and sponsorship of Miller Park in Milwaukee or Coors Field in Denver is a much better use for corporate money than alcohol awareness or even, heaven forbid, paying taxes to fund Federal prisons where abusers of their product reside.

So, you see, corporations are people, too. Except for the paying taxes part. That's up to you people "people"."