What Makes Neutrino Run?

Hot Scientific News Flash! The speed of light has been broken!

Researchers at CERN that mammoth atom-smashing tunnel beneath the Alps clocked a neutrino at a speed exceeding Warp 1. Take that, Albert Einstein. You had postulated that the speed of light could not be exceeded, but we Star Trek fans know that the Enterprise could go to Warp 9 and we Star Wars fans know that the Millennium Falcon could achieve hyperspace when Han and Chewie got it all together. It just took a while for 21st century scientists to catch up to Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas.

By the way, isn't neutrino a cool name for a subatomic particle or anything else for that matter? When I first studied science all we had were boring protons, neutrons and electrons. You could never name a sports car "The Proton" and expect it to sell. But if Ferrari brought out the new 2011 "Neutrino", buyers would be lined up outside the dealership. The name just sounds funky and fast.

This is probably why modern parents with boring names like Mark and Carol name their offspring Connor and Tiffany. The names sound cool. No doubt the proton and neutron that gave birth to the speedy CERN subatomic particle last week shared Mark and Carol's thoughts. "We lived our lives with dull, common names. Let's give the little guy a name that folks will remember. We'll call him Neutrino."

But why is little Neutrino so fast and why did we just find out about it now? By definition, a neutrino looks just like an electron but carries no electrical charge. Normal "hetero" electrons carry a negative charge and are attracted to those sexy positively-charged protons. Neutrinos are the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered) of the subatomic world.

Until last week, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" might have been the law in subatomics as well as the US Military. When those closeted neutrinos saw American soldiers, sailors, and Marines publicly "coming out", they may have decided to do the same. Alas, protons, electrons, and neutrons were less broad-minded than the US military brass. Only the fastest neutrinos survived their wrath and exceeded the previously inviolable speed of light in their escape.

Don't feel bad, Albert Einstein. Hetero subatomic particles still can't exceed the speed of light.