Last Monday was National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arr-r-r and I missed it. Me one chance each year-r-r to sound salty and tough and have nary a landlubber lookin' funny at me.
Using language and tone to sound macho not only commands respect o'er the Seven Seas but in the political arena as well. Pundits credit Rick Perry's rise to the top of the polls in part to his twangy, down-home debate performances reinforcing his fearless cowboy image. Mitt Romney cannot adopt a manly West Texas drawl at this late date (Perry has that shtick sewn up), but he can upgrade his Macho Quotient by talking like a pirate.
"Guvner-r-r Perry, ye claim that if Ben Ber-r-rnanke keeps on printin' all that fool money ye Texans would know how to handle him. We Massachusetts Yankees would keelhaul that scurvy rat and hang 'im from the yard arm! Out-macho that!"
"Guvner-r-r, the only gun control ye believe in is to use both hands (pause for cheers and applause). Ye go a-joggin' in Texas carryin' yer pistol with holler-point bullets to shoot coyotes. When I set sail with me crew of hearties, we need both hands and both feet to aim our ship's cannon and we shoot at killer-r-r whales not bilge rat size coyotes. Who's more manly now?"
"Guvner-r-r, landlubbers like yer cowboy boots with "Liberty" stitched on 'em. Ar-r-r, look at me new pirate eye patch. It'll show up in every campaign photo not just full-body shots. And in case I ferget, the patch has "I'm anti-government health care and pro-life now" stitched inside."
Politics aside, since I missed National Talk Like a Pirate Day would someone please remind me when National Walk Like an Egyptian Day comes around?
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