What's In A Name?

"What is in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." True enough, Mr Shakespeare, but the wrong name can get you beaten like a rented mule.

I read every line of the newspaper sports section. Hope springs eternal that good (the Phillies, Eagles, Lafayette) will triumph over evil (the Yankees, Cowboys, Lehigh). The sports section also provides amusement. How many ways can high school field hockey players spell Kaylee, Kayleigh, Kylee? Why are high school boy soccer players either named something precious like Channing or Keegan or something foreign like Luis or Vladimir?

Then there is the name that just jumps off the page. Scoring a goal for Northampton HS yesterday was Romeo Gaye. Mr and Mrs Gaye had it in for you, Romeo. With a surname like that, you've got to have a Christian name like Marvin for the musically-inclined or Gordon for fans of alliteration or Mike or Jack or some other "k" name to up your macho quotient. Romeo exposes you to both first and family name mockery.

"Yo, Romeo, where's Juliet?"

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou? Losing this game, that's where."

"Don't ask. Don't tell. Romeo Gaye can go to..."

"My Gay-Dar picks up that kid from Glee and Romeo."

Of course, Mr and Mrs Gaye may have taken Johnny Cash's "Boy Named Sue" literally. Romeo must "grow up quick and grow up mean. His fists must "get hard and his wits get keen." Will mockery of Romeo land one "kickin' and a-gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer"? By the way, "the mud and the blood and the beer" is almost Shakespearean.

Come to think of it, young Mr Gaye is better off as Romeo than as Channing or Keegan.