Even our feathered friends want a shot at the public notoriety that comes with being a part of the Super Bowl.
The National Chicken Council (Imagine White Leghorns in business attire gathered around a large conference table) submitted a press release this week. It crowed that Americans will consume one hundred million pounds of chicken products on Super Bowl Sunday which "if laid end-to-end would circle the Earth more than twice." Saturn has its rings of interstellar dust. Finally, Earth has a ring or two of poultry products and ours goes well with honey mustard dipping sauce..
As a patriotic American, I will, of course, consume my allotted share of chicken products on Super Bowl Sunday. I have a few questions for the National Chicken Council, however. While I chow down on a dozen wings, what happens to the rest of the chicken? Does my gluttony result in six limb-less and traumatized chickens? Are there prosthetic chicken wings for those poor, wounded birds?
It's been a long time since high school Biology and we never really studied chicken anatomy, but where on the bird are the McNuggets? For that matter, where are the Chicken Fingers? Chicken Fingers implies Chicken Hands. Is Foghorn Leghorn developing opposable thumbs? Should we worry that chickens are catching up to us evolution-wise? If birds are truly descended from dinosaurs, can this be saurian revenge after all these millenia? At some future Chicken - Dinosaur Super Bowl Sunday, will they be consuming one hundred million pounds of Human McNuggets?
I will chow down on old Foghorn while I have the chance.
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