Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Rays Recipe

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis is 36 years old and is still playing at a high level in his 14th year of pro football. With the average career length for a linebacker being five years, what can be Ray's secret?

Mr Lewis credits his career longevity to diet. Ray hasn't eaten fast food in 13 years (Those Chicken McNuggets go straight to his thighs) and he hasn't eaten any pork products over the same period (I've never seen a fast pig or a slow Orthodox Jew / observant Muslim). If this is all there is to it, the Middle East and certain neighborhoods in New York City would be rife with superannuated bone-crushing tacklers.

The final ingredient in Ray Lewis' recipe for success is water and plenty of it. Ray drinks at least one gallon of water every day before noon. Now, a gallon of water is 168 fluid ounces (8 pounds). Since Ray doesn't gain 8 pounds every day, it must go somewhere. You don't want to stand between Ray and the nearest urinal in the morning. Water also leaves the body through perspiration. You don't want to pay Ray's laundry bill.

My Philadelphia Eagles have not had an all-Pro linebacker since Bill Bergey back in the '80s. Instead of looking to college campuses for the next Ray Lewis, why not think outside the box? Build the Philadelphia Eagles Training Center in Jerusalem offering gallons of water (Free before noon!) and a pork-free diet to all comers. It is sure to pay off better than drafting some fast food-loving, pork rind-munching yahoo from North Central Oklahoma A&M.

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