The Devil's Device

With the end of January comes the end of our New Year's Resolutions. The good intention to work off all those holiday goodies in the gym is overcome by mid-winter ennui. "I'll go to the gym when the weather is nicer. Right now, I'll tackle that bowl of chips and watch a little TV."

I was doing precisely that last night feeling guilty as reports of The Obesity Epidemic ran on the news. If only there was a quick and easy way to exercise while keeping up with my favorite telecasts. As I switched channels between a college basketball game, "House", "Monday Night RAW", and "Family Guy", it came to me. Eliminate the remote control.

Back in the day, changing channels required getting up, walking to the TV, bending down, twisting the tuner and walking back to the sofa. Those actions have to be a calorie-burner on par with a minute or two on the StairMaster. I had a 32-inch waist, low blood pressure, and more hair back then, so it must have worked. Well, maybe not the hair part.

The remote control is the Devil's Device. It has put more fat around our waists than Twinkies and Frosted Flakes. Ominously, modern TVs with remote control are no longer manufactured in the good old USA. This is clearly a plot by Sony (Japan) and LG (Korea) to make us fat and docile before they take over the world. They could not have done it when we kept fit with remote-less American-manufactured TV sets.

Abandon your remote controls. Do it for your health. Better yet, do it for America.