First Day of School

Yesterday was our doggie's First Day of (Obedience) School. He looked so cute waiting for the bus in his new outfit and backpack!

Just kidding! Actually, the anthropomorphism of the occasion was significant. Will our dog get along with his classmates? Will he be bullied? Which clique will he hang out with - the jocks, the nerds, the druggies? I actually worried about these things.

Petco hosted the Obedience School. What better environment to demand a canine's attention than one filled with toys, food, unfamiliar smells, people walking by, and, best of all, caged creatures to sniff and possibly eat? No distractions here.

Of course, the ultimate distraction was "our boy's" classmate, a yellow lab puppy. When they went at each other for the traditional butt sniff, discipline was swift and chilling. The instructor demanded "Sit" and "Stay" in his best Leader of the Pack command voice. Naturally, it didn't work. It was like insisting that the class derive the Pythagorean Theorem on the first day of geometry class. "Sorry, Leader of the Pack, you can't give the final exam before you've taught us the material."

The Instructor was wearing an official shirt with embroidered lettering reading "Dog Trainer". This apparently keeps Petco customers from stopping him and asking where the kitty litter is stocked, but doesn't automatically gain respect from dogs who won't be able to read his shirt until at least the third or fourth session of Obedience School.

The curriculum for Session 1 included the "Heel" command. Session 1 ended with a Pop Quiz. We had to keep our pets docile at our hip as we walked up and down the aisles. To get an "A" grade, the dog must respond to verbal and hand commands. For a "Gentleman's C", a few tugs on his leash may be required. For an "F", the dog would ravage the treats shelved right before his eyes and consume a ferret or two (You eat it; you bought it!).

I'm proud to say that our doggie rated a strong C+ and, better yet, the yellow lab puppy was a weak C- at best. Already, he's the smartest one in his class. I can picture him in his little cap and gown giving the Valedictory Address at graduation. No anthropomorphism here.