Autumn is the season of romance. Take an informal poll, and you are nearly certain to find that a high percentage of the world's precious supply of lasting relationships dates to the fall. Most people attribute this phenomenon to leaves falling, school starting and fireplaces being lit. The real reason is simpler. The real reason is sweaters. Everyone looks better in sweaters.
Sweaters conceal those body flaws that tank tops, camisoles, and tee shirts reveal. That "roll" at waist level may not be unsightly flab but merely a bunching up of fabric. Sweaters' color and pattern make the short person tall and the chubby person svelte. The vee-neck sweater broadens the shoulders and narrows the waist. The cardigan sweater brings that Mister Rogers air of geniality to the wearer. Job seekers should be advised to don a proper cardigan for that initial interview instead of an ill-fitting, obviously I don't normally wear this sort of thing, business suit.
Why, then, are sweaters not more popular? The problem is with the name. "Sweat-er" implies unsightly, malodorous perspiration. Why wear a garment that may cause those horrible half-moons beneath the armpits and cause the other folks in the elevator to hold their breath and get off a floor early? That's obviously not the case, but why take a chance?
Sweaters should be re-christened "Thinners". Other than certain parts of the Third World, everyone wants to look thinner. Sales will skyrocket.
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