Having achieved the requisite age though not the accompanying wisdom for Social Security eligibility, I fired up the trusty laptop and applied on-line for benefits.
As promised, the process was painless and efficient. It began with Privacy and Anti-Fraud Statements. These consisted of the standard legal folderol. For the momentous act of officially becoming a pensioner, I expected to see something like:
"By signing this document and claiming eligibility for Social Security benefits, I hereby promise to:
Drive slowly in the passing lane with my turn signal on at all times
Complain about "the gov-a-mint".
Make a fashion statement by pairing dress socks with sandals
Wear my pants either well above my waist or well below my hips
Purchase the "Matlock - Season 1" DVD then complain that it doesn't fit in my VCR
Write angry "Letters to the Editor" regarding any tax increase while en-route to the local casino"
Now, that is a statement worthy of the "I Agree" tab!
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