Nepotism

Nepotism is definitely a bad thing, unless, of course, it involves my family. The Mini Page in today's newspaper invites us to get to know Frankie Jonas. Frankie, age 9, is the voice of Sosuke in the Disney movie "Ponyo", According to the article, "He enjoys playing football" and "He has his own band, Hollywood Shakeup." There are approximately 4 million nine year olds in America. Quite a few of them probably enjoy playing football which is apparently a prerequisite for getting a voice-over role in a movie. But Frankie might be the only nine year old who fronts his own band. How can that be? I mean, Michael Jackson and Little Stevie Wonder were twelve before they hit the big time. The article continues, "Frankie is the brother of the famed actors and musicians, the Jonas Brothers." That explains it, but Frankie should be aware of the sordid history of Disney-related nepotism. When Donald Duck was riding high, Disney thrust Donald's "nephews" Huey, Dewey, and Louie into the public eye. They achieved some success cavorting with Uncle Scrooge McDuck, but when they hit puberty and were no longer "cute", their careers nose-dived. Rumor has it that Huey joined a cult, Dewey parties with Lindsay Lohan, and Louie posed feather-less for an obscene Federal Duck Stamp. At least, Huey, Dewey, and Louie had some talent. Even the Disney Star-Making Machine couldn't bring fame to Mickey Mouse's "nephews" Mortie and Ferdie. A few appearances in obscure comics and that was it for the obscure rodents. Insiders report that Disney's retention of the Duck triplets and abandonment of the Mouse twins was the true cause of the Donald / Mickey split immortalized in the "Mickey Mouse Club" theme song.

Beware, Frankie. Sure, it's great to have your own band at age 9, but fame will chew you up and spit you out.